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Commentary: Searching for positives in a no-win season? Here you go

Let’s face it. An 0-14 team is an easy target, and the Browns have been wearing a bull’s-eye all season.

It’s easy to go all in on the negativity, but in the spirit of the holiday season, let’s take time out to identify and appreciate 50 undeniably positive things we can say about Cleveland’s “professional” football team:

  1. Johnny Manziel isn’t on it.
  2. The Browns have never won the Super Bowl, but, to be fair, neither have the Duluth Eskimos, Decatur Staleys or the Rock Island Independents.
  3. Despite all the unfair criticism about the Browns’ inability to find a quarterback, they’ve always had at least one.
  4. The Browns have never lost a game by the score of 11-2.
  5. The Browns defer with more deferness than any team in the league.
  6. Most Browns players are pretty good about getting their flu shots.
  7. If it ever came to it, they could dominate the Mid-American Conference.
  8. The Browns have never forfeited a game.
  9. Browns quarterback DeShone Kizer and Hall of Fame quarterback Joe Montana played at Notre Dame, but Kizer was taller.
  10. The Browns have never deflated any footballs.
  11. How fan-friendly are the Browns? Eighty-five percent of the seats at FirstEnergy Stadium are closer to the line of scrimmage than Browns safety Jabrill Peppers.
  12. The Browns have never had a player named Trump.
  13. None of the Four Horseman played for the Browns, but two of them once passed through town. By car.
  14. The Browns are named after former coach Paul Brown, who fortunately talked himself out of going with his first choice, the Pauls.
  15. The Browns this year have won as many games as they won in 1996, 1997 and 1998 combined.
  16. The Browns have never lost the Super Bowl.
  17. Former Browns quarterback Brian Hoyer knows Tom Brady.
  18. The Browns are one of the few teams in the NFL to have never used an onside punt.
  19. Browns defensive end Myles Garrett looks really good in a uniform.
  20. The Browns occasionally play games in London.
  21. The Browns have never played a game in Sicily.
  22. The Eagles lead the NFL with 12 wins this year, but none of them have come against the Browns.
  23. Since being selected with the third overall pick in the 2007 Draft, Joe Thomas can name every Browns head coach he has played for.
  24. In most of their games, the Browns leave it all on the field.
  25. Browns coach Hue Jackson is undefeated on Christmas Eve.
  26. At all Browns home games, as an extra added bonus for their fans (it’s included with the price of the ticket), a courtesy announcement is made in the stadium to inform the fans whenever it’s third down.
  27. Jim Brown, the greatest player in NFL history, played for the Browns, and only the Browns.
  28. The Browns could have drafted Ben Roethlisberger, but they also could have drafted Jimmy Clausen, so it’s a wash, really.
  29. The Browns play their home games closer to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame than any team in NFL history.
  30. Jackson does not keep his red challenge flag balled up in his sock, like disheveled, confused, old-school New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick. The more wardrobe-savvy Jackson keeps his flag somewhere else, for quicker access.
  31. Josh Gordon continues to be not suspended.
  32. The Browns lead all NFL teams with nine uniform combinations, which allows them to reduce their laundry budget and pass along the savings to you, the fans.
  33. Did I mention Myles Garrett looks really good in a uniform?
  34. Speaking of looking good, Browns owner Jimmy Haslam is the trimmest, fittest-looking owner in the NFL. He must work out, or something.
  35. The Browns’ offices in Berea are fully air conditioned.
  36. The Browns have now gone well over two years without having their general manager suspended by the NFL.
  37. Two of the Browns’ seven home games this year went into overtime, which gave Browns fans still more bang for their buck.
  38. Two words: drum line.
  39. Concession stand lines at FirstEnergy Stadium have never been shorter. Enjoy.
  40. A whopping 80 percent (four of five) of the quarterbacks the Browns are paying this year actually play for the Browns.
  41. How efficient is the Browns’ organization? Jackson is also the Browns’ offensive coordinator. That’s one guy doing two jobs, as opposed to … well, um, two guys doing one job.
  42. In the NFL Draft, there’s a good chance the Browns will have two of the top five picks. What could possibly go wrong?
  43. New Browns general manager John Dorsey isn’t any of the former Browns general managers.
  44. Don’t look now, but the Browns are also oozing cap space.
  45. Better yet, Haslam promises they are going to get it right!
  46. With a strong finish, the Browns could go 2-14!
  47. Kizer is still tall!
  48. No more analytics!
  49. It’s almost Christmas!
  50. Help! The exclamation point on my keyboard is stuck!

 

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Jim Ingraham is a sports columnist for the Elyria Chronicle-Telegram and the Medina Gazette. Contact him at 329-7135 or jingraham4@gmail.com and follow him @Jim_Ingraham on Twitter

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